bleahhh;
the last hurrah
& Wednesday, November 9
i once had a dream.
i was afraid, very.
it haunted me the rest of the week.
i was ashamed.
ashamed by the decision i made, in that dream.
how absurd, you say.
you can't control your dream,
you cant say yes or no.
you're living a life, without control.
in a dream.
you dont understand.
no you dont know.
what decision i had to make
what answer i gave.
i am fully clear. it frightens me.
because it killed whatever i thought i was.
it drove away assurance of my strength.
it mocked whatever promises i made.
it questioned what i was living for.
more than a dream.
i wish this was fiction.
random ramblings of someone.
i wish.
i cannot promise what i will say.
when death is in my face.
when immense pain awaits.
when yes or no, they ask.
i cannot promise anything.
when they question my faith.
i watched spartacus today. how people fought for freedom. the passion of it all. sure its a show, complete with hollywood effects, script written to tell more than a story.
did you see the last scene, the crosses?
the 6000 crosses. the raw memory of that dream crashed in.
they died for freedom.
who would i die for?
goodbye
9:10 PM