& Thursday, March 30
itnod
wonk
woh
ot
evol
uoY
goodbye
5:29 PM
& Wednesday, March 29
darn i am confused.some guy came to talk about NTU's physical mathematics. (which is really physics and math). so now it's goodbye aeroplanes , hello algebra. gosh i should not be so easily influenced by what people suggest. i really should do what i like and choose to do. so that if it turns out to be difficult, i can only say 'esther you stick to your choices'. THAT makes a huge difference, cos part of the pycho-ing is done, and i can't complain.
weird question.
do you want to be soft and flabby like a mushroom, or strong and sturdy like the oak tree?
i need to talk to Him more.
goodbye
8:56 PM
& Monday, March 27
A CONVO ON WEIRDNESS."We'll be okay," she said
"We are okay."
"We're weird and screwed-up, but we're okay," she agreed.
If someone invented a thermoneter that measured weirdness, it would melt under my tongue. But you - you're cool."
"So you deny me weirdness but agree that i'm screwed-up."
"I see your problem. Certain kinds of weirdness can be hip, but screwed-upness never is."
"Exactly."
"It wasn't gentlemently of me to deny you your weirdness."
"Apology accepted."
no i didnt have such a weird conversation on being weird and screwed-up. grabbed it from a book, whose author is pretty weird, i have to admit. not the conventional kind of stories, some plots blow you away. yet his choice of words is fanstatic. a certain honestly, yet a tinge of sarcasm and mockery i like. he describes events and people just perfectly. but that's only my opinion, yes the uneducated spectator. in any case, i have a heightened respect for authors. gosh i can imagine how tough it is to write a good book with publishers chasing after you, threatening to abandon. anyway, presenting THE WEIRD CONVO(i named it) from Odd Thomas, Dean Kootz.
today i was taught that poisson distribution is for events that occur randomly.
and ms ding asked, "you all know what random is right?"
well, now i shall confess that i was disturbed to find that the first word that came to my mind was
"glorijoy'
HAHA.
but remember children, do not deny someone of his/HER weirdness.
-wink
man, that sounds like a scary clown.
RANDOM thought.
heh i got weird siblings la. we all fight, scold and laugh at the brother in awesome magnitudes. yet everyone loves him most. what irony, then again i cant imagine if things were different. just the other day, i was just commenting to jane that i havent seen agnes in SO LONG, i'm ALMOST forgetting how she looks like. look again, ALMOST. i'm exaggerating, please. in case i get killed :p tem months is too long. i cant wait till you come back, (then scoldings about having a messy toilet will be split by two!) of course before that, TWO WEEKS of absolute freedom! which i bet will not be as good as it sounds. oh well.
goodbye
6:58 PM
& Saturday, March 25
you knowi'm trying, but you're making it really hard.
everyone's been using the word jaded.
you are so jaded
why is your class so jaded?
i dont want to be jaded.
WE'RE REACHING THE MUGGING HIGHWAY.
i'll appreciate if you nudge me on.
and not make me wanna use the nearest exit.
it's okay if you dont encourage or anything, i'm fine with it.
i guess it just means,
if you have nothing good to say, dont say anything.
because words can hurt so much.
i'm trying to learn that too.
goodbye
7:58 AM
& Thursday, March 23
gosh i want to plan road trips.GO on road trips and playy.
but i understand fully well that this will not happen for bout 32476 years.
it's okay.
sixone, we go on cruise!
we'll kill the buffet, take over the mahjong room, and laugh the whole ship down.
maybe borrow the lifeboat and have a little row. joking laa
speaking of joking,
HM this aint my favourite word this week. and BET is officially the worst word of the week.
haha thankfully, the meaning of friend(s) hasnt changed a single bit. heh i had a fantastic time in crystal jade that day. cheerios (:
alright the only thing that keeps me from sleeping in the bus is the COMMONWEALTH games.
it's so good, especially diving. gosh it's beautiful la.
i saw this team, comprising of a lady and child. and the jump was PERFECT.
but that's according to me, the uneducated spectator.
actually i'm not really sure what the judges are looking for. when i was younger, i thought the more water you displace, the higher the points. well, now i know it's definitely not that. hm, how straight your body is when you enter the water? HMM. in any case, it's fun to watch.
i can't believe in just 8 months, i'll be kicked out of veejay. once again, thrown into the world to re-adapt and start over. it's scary and i'm not looking forward to it. we should give time a speeding ticket, and suspend its licence. of course, that's provided we can catch it :/
Your excellence
my inspiration
goodbye
9:07 PM
& Monday, March 20
life's been going great lately.so good, in fact.
it feels like some major crisis is at the doorstep.
just waiting for the best time to come crashing in and blow me off the happy-track.
it FEELS like, i'm not saying it will happen.
frankly i'm more used to having things to worry about and mull over, instead of being so carefree.
man, what am i talking about?
oh well.
remember the removal of PEARLS? well now they have a new system in place.
and we all have to think of three of our highest achievements.
i can think of many things to say, really. ahem like,
- not stopping during cross-country
- jumping further than 165cm
- going for 99% of lectures and tutorials (i think)
blahblahblah. but after thinking really seriously.
I CANT THINK OF A SINGLE THING.
errrr geog trip counted as achievement?
goodbye
9:46 PM
& Sunday, March 19
gosh i had absolutely no idea how much satisfaction one can get from drawing on Microsoft Word.it's really tedious and some things just wouldnt go your way. BUT it's done. smilee
anyway i was doing the proposed layout to move the sound system to the youth room. heh hopefully he will understand the diagram, speak to the comm and approve! whoa i really could get used to this wonderful i-accomplished-something feeling. maybe i should be an architect. okay it's a passing remark, dont faint (:
so we did temperaments today. no the results aint surprising, but discussing it was a little frightening. it feels like i have the worst weaknesses compared to everyone else. oh well, we shall not BOX ourselves. that's a pun!
somehow i feel more mel-chlor than chlor-mel, but it's where i am la. when i'm alone, whoa choleric is out of the window. HMM. i feel like analysing myself more, but nah.
i'm tired.
goodbye
11:47 PM
& Saturday, March 18
okay that's done.so the break just zoomed by like .. that
gosh i planned to do SO MUCH.
oh well, i'm looking forward to school.
(even though i can see clearly, walking out of school with streetlights lit, at least 3 times a week)
i'm glad to go back. (:
mahjong, enjoyed behind me.
oh the wonderful sound of tiles meet tiles.
beautiful
dont humour me.
say things you dont mean
just because you dont want to be mean.
be honest, please
maybe i'm paranoid
i dont know
i dont know
goodbye
10:40 PM
& Friday, March 17
cmon, it doesnt matter.quit thinking about it.
oh the 23984723183263th person just asked
ni men shi shuang bao tai mahhh?
(you both twins or not)
NOO.
and you ask me why i try so hard to be different.
heh try having siblings who are smart, eloquent and confident.
you'll get it.
no complains, i'm proud (:
heh try having a girl come up to your sister in a shopping mall and go ' hello ms lim'
you'll be proud too.
haha and reallyreally surprised
goodness my sister is a ms lim!
oh ya hor, i'm gonna be ms lim too
anyway, i finally checked the additional math tys for the 2004 paper.
i remembered my answer for the relative velocity question, so that i could.. erm check
the answer i had in mind was 43s, but the answer is 34s!
(okay maybe my brain switched numbers around, after all the Os were like centuries ago )
YEAH RIGHT.
arrgh heehee. who cares anyway :D
goodbye
6:01 PM
& Thursday, March 16
i'm so not an afternoon person.no i'm not proud to say that i couldnt finish 2 math questions, in a day!
sheesh feels like the bank of SLEEP is bugging me to clear the HUGE debt.
it's a horrible cycle, i spend the entire afternoon sleeping around the house and watching teevee.
then i feel guilty so i do work at night, which equates to sleeping later la.
and some weird gene in my body (which the rest of my siblings lack, i assure you) causes me to wake up early everyday. i cant sleep past 730. REALLY.
so it's hardly my fault that i'm half-dead in the afternoon right?
okay fine, my fault.
man, it could be a perfect excuse for sleeping in tues's econs lecture.
at least i went for a run in the morning, so the day's not that bad!
after procrastinating 2384 times, i finally forced myself out of the house.
heh that's the hardest thing, once you're out of the house everything's fine (:
oh well, i had the gosh-i-love-geography-so-much-i'm-gonna-do-it-for-life thought again. haha not that i'm surprised, i get it like once every 2-3 weeks. heh and this time, the thought was inspired by the coolness of the morning. it's an amazing thing really.
have you noticed that the warmest time of the day is not at noon? if you havent, well it isnt! it's usually around 3 - 4pm. so if you think of it as a temperature vs time(day) graph, the peak would be at 3pm. then the graph would be downslope from there all the way to the the next turning point at about 7am. because then the sun will rise and insolation occurs yadayada. so that's why, mornings are so cool. now THIS is what i love about geog. but sadly there's so much more to it. like philosophy and discussion questions like "has the development of geography remained static through history?" oh kill me.
okay we should not get morbid.
today was a great day until the end when i lost my temper and felt sorry like 10 mins later.
sheesh i really should get a degree in temperlogy. oh well.
alright time for an advert!
love korean shows? love food? love dramas where a person is either totally good or totally evil?
well, you'll LOVE the fabulous show DA CHANG JIN.
it's on every weekday night at 10, channel U.
WATCH IT.
goodbye
8:20 PM
& Wednesday, March 15
DA CHANG JIN.ohgoodness the BEST-est show in the entire world (till another good show comes up la)
oh man, so exciting!
better watch this show, right to the end.
i have a strange feeling this is gonna be the last serial i'll watch this year.
what with the dreaded A levels round the corner, and simply because singapore-produced serials pale in comparison to foreign serials.
i love singapore, i do.
it's beautiful and safe and played a part in who i am today.
but when it comes to television.
sorry, i'm fussy.
GRIN.
oh today's a day of indulgence.
slept, ate and read in huge amounts today.
so tomorrow's a day of self-control.
shall go run, do housework
and for goodness sake esther, get started on your homework!
till next time.
goodbye
10:14 PM
& Monday, March 13
phew. amazing day it has been.thank God the games went really well, and we spent just one afternoon and night, and 2.5 bucks!
alright just one more day in school, and real holidays will begin.
i can't wait to get started on homework.
haha considering the 29384 math tutorials, we cant afford to wait around and pretend solutions will fall out of the sky into our laps, written in our handwriting, with a system that wires everything to our brains. man it'll be perfect, but i rather not. remove challenge, satisfaction flies away too. heh
learnt quite abit today.
thought things through, cleared things up
and i'm feeling GOOD and smiley (:
was reading this article in Philip Yancey's ' i was just wondering'.
once again, cheers to mingdao for the present (:
so the gist of it was summarised in the last paragraph
"it would be miracle if all my words came out perfect and if my car never failed again. (i could accomplish so much more for the Kingdom, a voice whispers...) But that He uses the raw material of anything that i write, or that you say, or that we, His body, accomplish on this earth -- is that not greater miracle?"
i guess,
it would be a miracle if i could speak the right words at the right time and if i could know what exactly i should do now. it would be a miracle if the possiblity of me committing a mistake were nil. it would be a miracle if i were the best leader, the best follower, the best disciple. but that You are willing to use me, in all my weakness and shortcomings, in all my clumsiness and insecurity, to accomplish Your will. i can't think of a greater miracle. i'm part of a miracle! cmon, we all are. SO HAPPY (((:
oh the hilarious statement from funny zhini
-i used to call my sisters fishmongers
huh WHY?! (we said)
-because they all sel fish.
man we laughed. we really did.
goodbye
8:48 PM
& Sunday, March 12
so many questions, Jesus.too many.
teach me how to live
goodbye
10:15 PM
& Friday, March 10
june carter used to say-- 'i'm just trying to matter'me too.
me too.
dont think i could ever put it better than that
dont think i succeed most of the time
oh well.
and i'm giving up geography, go figure. haha that sounds really harsh i guess. especially coming from, well, me. oh well it's not like i'm dropping the subject or anything, i'm just shutting the door of a geography degree.i tried, really i did, to cultivate an artsy brain. but i cant, too bad. frankly, solving a difficult math question gives me more satisfaction than writing a fabulous essay. hm let's try to phrase that again, shall we. i'll be OVERJOYED if i wrote a 40/50 essay, but compared to doing math questions. i take the numbers anytime.
so it's goodbye geog s, hello physics.
OH and i've decided on what to do in university.
aerospace engineering/banking/nautical engineering/applied maths/accountacy.
okay so i haven't really decided, but at least i've narrowed down the choices.
and ranked them too! left to right, most interested to least.
(subject to change, cos i'm fickle)
AHAHA so liberating man.
i cant deny the presence of that stupid little voice whispering 'motion pictures' in my head.
i cant deny the interest. but that career needs absolute passion and courage, doubt i'm ready.
so i guess till the day passion and courage arrives, i'll be content watching the oscars year in year out, catching plays and movies and wait. smilee.
i'm just trying to matter.
maybe i'll keep planes in the air, or guide ships into ports.
maybe i'll take care of money, or start investing and trading.
maybe i'll travel around the world, or never leave singapore.
maybe, just maybe.
what's Your plan?
LOVE 05S61.
you make me smile.
goodbye
10:03 PM
& Tuesday, March 7
at one point, i thought i could never thank again.but strangely the day i'd been dreading, came and made everything better.
maybe it's just me, i dont know.
feels like an end
guess i've reached a point where words ain't sufficient
a peace that feels out of place, yet so right
suddenly we can laugh again
we have to move on, no doubt 'bout that.
no we're not forgetting.
how to? i cant.
not dwelling, not living in the past
(why does nothing sound right?)
i thought that hope's gone
never to return again.
yet,almost too soon after
it came knocking.
i take it.
everything for a reason.
i ask for an exception, for something i know cannot come to pass.
what the answer is, i dont know.
but it'll be good, no doubt 'bout that.
when the entire world seems to come between You and i,
You dont forget.
You sustain, and better yet, You love.
even when i cant, You did.
i cannot imagine otherwise.
i cant.
love.
lessons.
love lessons.
goodbye
5:33 PM
& Monday, March 6
heart-wrenchinghope's flown away
i dont know
i dont know
goodbye
7:25 PM
& Sunday, March 5
tell me.how to say goodbye, when i dont want to.
how to scold and scream and hit you, when you wont feel it.
how can someone be so smart, yet such a fool.
how can someone be so happy, yet so sad.
how can you sing that song, when you did what you did.
the opportunities ignored.
the conversations taken for granted.
the noise, i complained.
regrets accumulate.
i'm afraid i'll forget.
i'll give anything to hear you sing again.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
goodbye, for all it's worth.
and more.
i havent talked to You in ages.
dont know how to start.
are Your arms still open?
it feels like nothing is enough.
i cant
goodbye
9:53 PM
& Friday, March 3
did i mention that common test is over?well, it's done! two days ago in fact ((:
now that's fantastic.
simply because it means i dont have to study during the march hols, unlike many many other people.
nope it wasnt easy, as usual.
but i really thankGod for bringing all of us through.
man, 5 papers in 3 days is INSANE.
oh well, results are coming out.
chinese results are out too.
cant say i'm happy, but i aint sad too.
i mean how can i expect to do well if i studied for only 2 days right.
haha so that's it. no more chinese exams for my entire life.
i've been looking forward to this since whoknowswhen, but now that it's here. i dont know. it's just sad that we're chinese and cant master our language. what's worse, it seems like it's perfectly alright to fail and give up. oh well :/
bah enough of ranting.
i'm very happy bumming at home, just reading and watching teevee and sleeping :)
i watched The Passion Recut, two nights ago.
cant really say i watched it, cos half the time the tv was muted, and i was hiding behind my dad's pillow.
how does one respond after seeing a perfect man suffer for the wrongdoings of his friends.
how does one respond after seeing a perfect God bleed for the sins of His creation.
my righteousness like filthy rags.
wait, what righteousness to begin with?
i'm not worthy.
goodbye
10:35 AM
& Thursday, March 2
OSCAR MONDAY."you have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more that others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect "
matt 5
you're not even trying.