& Monday, July 31
'if i had a camera, i'd take a picture of you everyday. that way i'd remember how you looked every single day of your life''i look exactly the same'
'no you dont. you're changing all the time. every day a tiny bit. if i could, i'd keep a record of it all'
'if you're so smart, how did i change today?'
'you got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. you got a little happier and also a little sadder.'
'meaning they cancel each other out, leaving me exactly the same'
'not at all. the fact that you got a little happier today doesnt change the fact that you also became a little sadder. every day you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you're the happiest and saddest you've ever been in your whole life'
'what about you? are you the happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?'
'of course i am'
'why?'
'because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you'
nicole krauss
how do you people think these up?
i wonder if you put tiny slips of paper into your pockets. when inspiration knocks, do you scramble to transform them from thought to paper? do you try your hardest to translate thought to word, thought to word. so raw, perhaps most honest
goodbye
10:00 PM
& Friday, July 28
we are not on talking terms.i hate it
goodbye
9:48 PM
& Wednesday, July 26
i hope everyone gets a everything-is-futile day once in a while. i do not fancy the idea of being classified under 'shrink needed'. personality reports freak me out when they say that. like the recent psycho-report which wrote 'you are likely to miss the forest for a few trees'. for a moment, it felt like a dialogue in a cliche drama, where a group of friends is consoling A because her heart was broken by B. which is quite pointless, since A and B will live happily ever after eventually. it is so easy being a scriptwriter for a chickflick. i am stereotyping and belittling people again, box me. (ok too much detail)i've been having too many everything-is-futile days.
physics tutorial is meaningless.
studying is stupid.
universities are scary, degrees are nothing.
serving is tiring.
countless more; i'm afraid to name.
irritation is at its highest. i hate to blame PMS. mybad x483
in need of forgiveness lessons
require love training
where has the secret time gone.
need to do better. so much better.
goodbye
8:33 PM
& Monday, July 24
i have your picture on my wall.memories are getting hazy
it's there to clear things up.
i have your number in my mobile
pause.
stare at the call button.
i have your story in my head
coffee and tea in an english prison,
never the same
i have your song
want to grow old with you
different now
to you,
who never smiled for the camera
who made us smile so much it hurt
what hurt so much?
goodbye
6:01 PM
& Saturday, July 22
i'm just happy everyone is home.happy that all five beds are slept in
happy that my toilet is no longer only mine
happy that you're home
yesterday,
i looked forward to coming home more than usual.
those words keep coming; i know why
i dont let them leave
wish i didnt seek comfort
in something which does not give
say it again, one more time
one more gift
goodbye
8:57 AM
& Tuesday, July 18
cts haveconcluded with a loud
bang: shot ;
how unfortunate.
top priority a
month before; current
status: dead.
the glorious
gravestone: silly
paper with
alphabets ; tree killers
too fleeting. who is quenched?
to the grandparents, aunties and uncles. who left two kids drowning with invitations to almost every meal last weekend. cheers for caring enough to call, plus all the costly dinners made worse by the two kids who fail to hold decent conversations. because we speak like bullet trains, suck at mandarin.. oh who can forget the huge blunder made by yours truly - telling my grandma we didnt want the dinner leftovers for next day's breakfast, because it was too mah fan to heat up before school. SIGH, quickly went to explain myself and asked a question this container can put in microwave oven right, then can bring home la. redeemed, i hope. kids these days ahh, dont know how to talk. seoul garden was darn expensive, thank you. the fruits left at the door, thank you. becoming leeches in glori's house, cheerios. phonecalls, thank yall. <3
the adventure wasnt that exciting, after a while. no government means more chores. absence makes the heart grow fonder, confirmed. i wonder if you miss us. somehow i have this strange feeling i'll never survive abroad. come running home after three days. hurhur
goodbye
9:40 PM
& Monday, July 17
'i believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. and when i run i feel His pleasure' Chariots of Fire an uproar of questions.
'whenever i feel gloomy with the state of the world, i think about the arrival gates at Heathrow Airport. general opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but i dont see that. it seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as i know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. if you look for it, i've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.' Love Actually
(sounds good only when the prime minister says it. shrug)
not so funny. how we think the world of the celebs' opinions. yet consider the important and meaningful words, like wind swooshing beneath our ears. goes in one sides, negligible duration in the brain. lost in translation. i know.
i miss all of you.
1% jealousy cos yall having more fun
99% genuine longing for the too-noisy place it once was.
10 days is too long.
10 months is madness.
HURRY
goodbye
9:39 PM
& Friday, July 14
HELLO MALDIVES!
b e a u tiful (:
did you know that all buildings must be shorter than the tallest tree on each island? in the name of environmental conservation! <3geog<3geog
note: if josef tan is an introvert, we're all hermits :p
roaming parkway parade with nic grace
too funny.
julian painted his nails black for whoknowswhat reasons.
mr chow saw and being mr chow, he said
"aiyoh you slammed the door on your fingers ahh?"
(class laugh and laugh)
"poor thing"
(class LAUGH and LAUGH)
you're the best sir. always (((:
if i ever become a teacher (yes highly unlikely)
i want to be just like you.
smileee
goodbye
12:06 AM
& Wednesday, July 12
it's scary. i'm supposed to be strange, created to be different. why dont i feel like a sore thumb. called to be a light, yet i'm blending into the darkness. something is wrong. i'm not doing enough. then again, when can anyone reach enough?in yesterday's show, a 1980s clip was shown of Ellen doing her stand up thing. she talked about a conversation with God, a telephone conversation. reason being she wanted to ask Him why He created fleas. so it went something like that, if my memory does not fail me. one-sided convo, of course.
'Hi God!'
'it's ellen'
'ellen'
'um ellen degeneres'
'ya it does sound like that doesnt it, i hear that alot. haha'
'ohh dont worry about it, i'll wait'
pause. starts to sing 'onward christian soldier...'
'hello You're back!
'ya i was just singing to the tape'
'oh someone was at the gate, i see'
'okay i wanted to ask you a question'
'hurhur bet You knew that already'
'ummm why did You create fleas'
-long pause
'wow i never knew so many people were employed by kill-flea agencies'
'right of course, the amount of people needed to produce sprays is huge'
'i understand now, thanks alot!'
'sure i dont mind a joke'
'who's there?'
'god who'
'ahh godzilla. um haha'
'ya not too funny'
'how 'bout i tell You a joke'
'knock knock'
'god'
got to go now'
'yes i know You saw that coming. hahaha'
'see Ya!!'
it was funny, really. way funnier than this. i cant remember most parts, and her word usage is incredible. yet at the same time, not really accurate dont you think.
You will never ask me for my name, nor my surname. You'll know who i am before i speak a word. You'll never put me on hold, in fact it's always the other way round. and the tape of my life and my words is nothing like that song. most of the time, i dont want You to hear it. but You do, even the words that do not come out from my mouth. of course, i'm sure You're reallyreally funny. God, help me to stick out like a sore thumb. cos this aint home. kick me when i get too comfortable, please.
goodbye
9:38 PM
& Tuesday, July 11
ellen degeneres is funny, really.being a standup comedian is soo hard. okay this is a bad time to find a good afternoon show. it's good that i've progressed from afternoon naps to afternoon shows, but i better perfect the afternoon study. too many afternoon A level papers. i'm dooooomed, again.
half of my results are back and considering the effort, i'm too blessed. thank You. math heart-attack tomorrow (and that's after it was postponed twice in 2 days). GP next week. geography in a million years time. prelim timetable heart-attack today. all together now, we are dooooomed. NOT. c'mon! all we need to do is work hard, and prove all those teachers wrong. (: go everyone!
it must be hard being a parent. loving your kid so much and wanting the best for them, yet they say you're naggy and oldfashioned and uncool (general, not individual opinion). knowing they need to be corrected, yet you want them to love you too. sooo tough. sometimes you just want to shake us awake and/or give us an understanding pill and/or send us to some remote jungle to learn contentment, right? if the remaining days turned out to be a total nightmare, at least i've learnt something. i'm really sorry. and i hope you both dont read this. -shruggg
awesomeweek
awesomeweek
awesomeweek
goodbye
9:50 PM
& Sunday, July 9
i have to match every homework Grace does.nuclear physics
differential equations
case study
4 hours to soccer
10 hours to assembly
i'm dooooomed
it's almost 24 hours since we've been forsaken. no i'm joking, that is unfair. it's almost 24 hours since we said goodbye to the parents and the sister. it's almost 10 months since we said goodbye to the other sister. guess what, we're still alive! no quarrels no fights. no yet. sorry to disappoint you lalala. it should be a good week. i suggested mopping the house once to make it clean and lovely for the old sister. and i heard a simple 'okay'. no reluctance whatsoever. so happy (: maybe this will be the beginning of an overdue good relationship. and 60 years down the road, we'll remember this 10 days fondly and say to each other 'gosh you were darn irritating, thank God you grew out of it!' i wish we could fast-forward 60 years now. no esther, you dont want that.
itwillbeanawesome10days x257683
love, evil witch
goodbye
9:14 PM
& Thursday, July 6
i wanted to write about the bad dream.i did write about the bad dream.
it disappeared, the prose about the bad dream.
and the bad dream
doesnt seem so bad after all.
if words can run away as if nothing happened,
who can blame the bad dream for escaping.
i know why i write. there's nothing noble about it, frankly it's everything selfish. i wish the intention was good : to make the world a better place and (we could go on forever). but really, it's for me. many people like to say, 'i do this because it keeps me from going mad'. well the idea is pretty much the same here, except i know i'm far from the brink of insanity, guess it doesnt really count then. 'it makes me happy' does not sound correct either. let's just say it is nice putting thoughts into words, even though there are unwritten rules in what you can say, what is taboo, what is irritating.. nonetheless it is lovely and one can get hooked. an outlet for frustration, press the delete button and it disappears (: i'm not sorry.
manyi trashed everyone else, as usual.
congrats, dear friend (:
goodbye
9:41 PM
& Wednesday, July 5
i really should sleep now to wake up at 0250.i really should have finished normal distribution by now.
i really should do nuclear physics after the match.
'her romantic mind was like the tiny boxes, one within the other, that come from the puzzling East, however many you discover there is always one more'
- Barrie (peterpan)
'very, very moody'
goodbye
11:36 PM
& Monday, July 3
self sufficiency is not the way. much as i would like it to be, it is impossible. of course you can define it differently, maybe it'll sound correct then. but as i know it now, to be self-sufficient is to be nothing. i have no control over anything.roaming shenton way alone tomorrow. sounds good (:
goodbye
9:57 PM
&
angst is stupid.i miss school.
irony is clever.
self-sufficiency is stupid.
you are clever.
if you just cared to look behind you,
you'd find me desperately trying to fit into your footprint.
and if you just bothered to look for a while longer
you'd see i've been doing it for years.
now turn back
dont stare at my feet
who can follow you
if you fall into a ditch