bleahhh;
the last hurrah
& Friday, November 18
christmas is here again. not for another month, i know.
but shopping malls = christmas songs.
magazines = 'gifts gifts, glorious gifts' they say
a walk, or rather a cycle in the estate = 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8... wow so many christmas trees!
-ahem more trees now than flags in august.
orchard road = lights decor lights decor lights
christmas is here again.
remember the baby?
angels sang His songs
a gift of love, He was.
died on a tree, just because He loved.
light of the world.
in His dictionary,
love has only one meaning.
a g a p e
goodbye
8:08 PM
& Thursday, November 10
things are not as they used to be.
drifted, did we.
goodbye
9:46 PM
& Wednesday, November 9
i once had a dream.
i was afraid, very.
it haunted me the rest of the week.
i was ashamed.
ashamed by the decision i made, in that dream.
how absurd, you say.
you can't control your dream,
you cant say yes or no.
you're living a life, without control.
in a dream.
you dont understand.
no you dont know.
what decision i had to make
what answer i gave.
i am fully clear. it frightens me.
because it killed whatever i thought i was.
it drove away assurance of my strength.
it mocked whatever promises i made.
it questioned what i was living for.
more than a dream.
i wish this was fiction.
random ramblings of someone.
i wish.
i cannot promise what i will say.
when death is in my face.
when immense pain awaits.
when yes or no, they ask.
i cannot promise anything.
when they question my faith.
i watched spartacus today. how people fought for freedom. the passion of it all. sure its a show, complete with hollywood effects, script written to tell more than a story.
did you see the last scene, the crosses?
the 6000 crosses. the raw memory of that dream crashed in.
they died for freedom.
who would i die for?
goodbye
9:10 PM
&
HMM
i'm attracted to trigo homework.
so here comes the occasional moment when i declare to myself
- i'm gonna be good
- do housework without being asked
- get down to homework before christmas for once, and finish it.
- watch less tv, quit the computer
- readreadread
- not sleep with little transparent films in my eye.
this moment will not last.
they never do.
but i'll make it last longer than the last.
piece of cake duh, the last one lasted 3 days?
maybe it'll last two months :]]
of course, the ultimate holiday resolution.
shut the cynic up, SMILE.
piece of mango duh, PW is over :)
alrighty, off to wonder trigo.
and websites to find job vacancies at esplanade to watch shows for free.
so much beauty in a word. HOLIDAY.
i remember the day i stopped wanting to be you.
goodbye
10:11 AM
& Monday, November 7
FREEDOM, in 12 hours.
i will SMILE willingly for mr mark lee when i see him.
LOL
it's almost one.
i have a HUGE exam tomorrow.
-shouldsleepsoon. alliteration! (eww speeelllinngg sucks big time)
alright i just practised like 4 times in front of my mum's dresser.
can't stand the sound of my voice anymore, and throat got too dry despite many cups of water.
seriously, how do teachers stand it? -inawe.
I&R finally done, even though i am extremely certain someone is gonna send it to the landfill/incinerator/dump. tomorrow today i'll welcome it back with open arms and huge red squiggles, and banana skins and prawn shells blahblahblah.
God be with everyone today!
my darling cousin, AMOS. who always thinks i'm against him, why? i doubt you read this, but i'll say it nonetheless. you just do your best alright. He'll carry you through.
the O level people, lol it's not so bad really. though i definitely did not say that last year.
the OP people. HANG IN THERE! 12hours 12hours (for sixone at least :])
ohhhhh little brother is BACK! yay:))
he bought me earrings, gosh the mission trip really changed him!
haha jokinggg :]
i'll wear them for OP!
hey jie! i miss you:(
anyway, i hope you get to do what you want to do.
up till now, i dont know what i want to do.
so maybe when i talk to you soon, you can tell me how you chose what you wanted to do.
take care
keep warm
miss home.
love :]]]
goodbye
12:58 AM
& Friday, November 4
so much for painting huh. haha my dad and i spent about 3 hours(?) just sandpapering half the gate, and painting 1/5 of half the gate. lets see 1/2 x 1/5 = 1/10 (AHHH) ohh that's only the first coat of the primer. we need two coats of primer, and finally the last beautiful black coat of paint. thankfully painting is so much better than sandpapering. otherwise i'll kick the bucket (of paint ahem) LOL jokingggg.
and that's that with painting the gate.
we still have the walls of the garden and carporch. oh man just when are we gonna finish, considering my mum is so against us doing it in the late morning and early afternoon because of the sun (i refuse to wear any straw hat of any kind thank you very much). no worries, i bet we'll be done before christmas 06 :]
HAHA i love doing these random stuff with my dad. even though we dont talk much. when sandpapering, its best if you keep your mouth really sealed to avoid little flakes of paint flying right into your digestive system. GRIN.
ohhh mummy bought mangoes :))
and that dreaded coffee biscuits too, i think :/
i ate too much of that biscuits during the scary promos, way too much. bleahh.
i will not eat any coffee biscuits.
i will not.
today marks the last OP rehearsal.
2050.
hmm. some random err friend wants to watch oliver twist. but is just so RELUCTANT to wait for me. weep.
goodbye
10:30 AM
& Tuesday, November 1
hm. chinese is over
and this is really the last chinese exam i am gonna take in my whole entire life. i said the EXACT same thing after the chinese exam last year. and look where my words got me. -amfickle.
oh well, it's a little sad.
feels like you spent almost your whole life slogging over something, cursing it all the time, wishing it'll disappear. and then BOOM. its OVER. how sad. you think i'm crazy, i bet.
so now, there's nothing to do.
other than read and watch tv, its reading and staring at the screen of that seriously-overused-box, wishing something interesting would come up. and when i say interesting, i mean shows like love actually, all the xmens, any russel crowe denzel washington johnny depp show. bahhh there was nothing interesting today. so i ended up watching LOTR. the return of the king. yay aragorn boo legolas. oh i skipped all the come on mr frodo parts. it's like here-comes-frodo-where-is-the-forward-button?
the mirror. it's changing.
i almost said degenerating, yet i realised its past wasnt something to be proud of either.
breaking up. a broken reflection.
maybe it'll get better, maybe it wont.
some things, time just refuses to mend.
feels like a raw wound oww.
some places, you just cant fit in.
like the market we went to today.
i havent been in a wet market in AGES. and i stuck out like a sore thumb. dialets flying across my head, i wish i understood. no matter where i stood, i'm disturbing the famillar routine, destroying the awesome feeling. i am so not expressing it right. we, the supermarket generation. sigh we're losing egg stalls, coffee stalls, the stalls that sell beautiful veges. we're trading it for huge air-conditioned rooms, tons of plastic bags boxes cartons. everything instant, everything threeinone. :(
some events, you just cant escape.
like going back to your secondary school. i have to go back, i dont want to but i must. ohwell, at least i get a free hemmingway.
like clearing the garden. we've procrastinated long enough.
like painting some random walls outside the house. oh this i'm not dreading. WOOHOO. how cool is that, i should get overalls boots and a lovely cap. painting with my dad is gonna be oh-so-fun!
little brother's in china.
old sister's in uk.
thankfully papa's in singapore this week.
otherwise there's like 3 people at home. so BORRINGG.
its weird, i like to be left alone at home. but i dont like being the only one at home.
HMMMM.
goodbye
8:49 PM