& Thursday, September 29
ok i need to release insane pressure on the brain.here it goes again, all the weird headaches and compression/tension whatever you call it on this poor grey mass. if i say this is stress, every working adult will scold that i'm too young to know what stress is. so i shall not say it :p
hmm, stop stop. or i'll die before a degree.
i'm counting down as usual.
this time next week, i'll probably be in bed dreaming about tough physics questions that i cannot solve. then i'll wake up, read the whole way to school, do the usual we're so gonna die with funny classmates, sit for the paper and WE'RE DONE!
i've already planned my fantabulous weekend.
fri : SLEEP dinner tv SLEEP
sat : swim/run library lunch home church dinner tv SLEEP
sun : church SLEEP dinner tv SLEEP
whee cant wait!
i still remember tng's little note before Os, with the cute stick man.
HANG IN THERE, it said. haha yea i'm hanging. cheerios (:
oh yes! the encounter with that nasty insect.
thought i'll do everyone in a house a favour by grabbing it in a huge pile of tissue and accidentally flushing it down the big bowl. BUT i realised it could fly! ok maybe jump like a hundred times its height. scary little thing. so i decided to be kind (as always) and let it live.
i'm a BUG CATCHER by name. LOL :))
primetime morning is pretty cool stuff!
i should watch it whenever i can. today was a whole lot about dengue and stuff, and i think a news-anchor has just been added to the long list of 'what i want to be when i grow up'. i still want to be a pilot, or better yet a fighter pilot! but many people told me to grow up, literally. sighhh.
action plan : work on pronounciation. read the newspapers (!!!)
today, i was telling them about how agnes may not be going south africa anymore, and how both of us think that israel is a really cool place to visit, and how cool having a rock from the holy place is yadayadayada.
jane : cannot go now! israel's unsafe.
esther : huh?! whyy
ziteng : ya its quite dangerous there.
jane : teng you know right? (he nods) there's some territorial thing where the israeli government returned some land to someone, so people are chased out of their houses and there's riots and stuff.
esther to esther : sheesh even little brother who doesnt care a hoot about books knows about it. shame on you!
oh by the way, jane knows which land, which person the land was given to, everything in fact. i cant remember :(
now SLEEP.
goodbye
11:47 PM
& Wednesday, September 28
almost-perfectionist.i'm
trying to study.
trying not to care about alphabets on random pieces of paper that determine whether i'm in S or R.
trying to try.
GIVE UP. i give up.
i give (everyburden) up (toYouwho'dgladlyexchange)
Jesus, it feels so good to be back.
not that You left,
i wandered.
edited. 2100
AMAZING RACE is going on like 10 steps away, plus 2 doors.
and i'm stuck here studying GEOGRAPHY. how ironic.
sheesh, geography should have watchings.
like how we have an insane number of scary readings.
urban geog, i love you without exams.
as of now, we're just acquaintances :p
oh well, thank You for school :)
anyway, i did the 'to what extent is the school responsible for educating the young'.
yours truly = good spotter! a blogging question came up, but it was too loaded with words you gotta define. man who cares what i did, GP is OVER :D;D
hello.
goodbye
7:12 PM
&
finally, a hello :))i miss you. we all do, really.
it's obvious, the way we scramble to the computer.
ten months is too long. i dont know how you can stand it.
you'll be in my heart.
well, i've been thinking.
the big commotion about blogging and what nots.
i used to think that everyone was over-reacting.
frankly, i was all for free expression
c'mon cant we just write what we want,
you dont like, dont read la.
not say i force you right?
as if anyone will get hurt.
mymy, spoken like a true blue singaporean.
everyone cringe at disgusting singlish.
anyway back to my point, i dont think that anymore :)
because whatever we write/do/say has consequences, whether we like it or not.
and most of the time, we cant take them back. unfortunately.
"I have often regretted my speech, never my silence." -Xenocrates
well, you sparked off this. yeah you are the culprit :p
because i realised it doesnt feel good, reading about how someone is disgusting from your point of view. what made it really bad? i know that person. maybe we say some things we dont really mean when our blood is boiling and we're looking for a chopper. but trust me, when your blood reaches normal temperature and knives are where they should be, regret rushes in. and more often than not, we dont say sorry even though we want to, so much.
i am so guilty of this, please dont commit the same mistake as i did and cringe everytime you read past entries. remember love :))
ok i confess an small ulterior motive.
i'm trying to analyse the whole blogging thing in the hope that this topic will appear in the GP paper, and i just bleaahhhh everything out.
it starts in 2 hours, man i'm running late again.
goodbye
8:35 AM
& Sunday, September 25
all the thoughts about futility.they suffocate.
maybe i shouldnt dream,
that this would happen when i do this and that.
because it doesnt work that way, does it?
i have never struggled so hard.
struggles kill.
sure you know the stories, you know answers to questions
what happened to your heart?
when the light reveals everything,
and nothing is hidden.
you dont want to be seen,
you fear the expression in those eyes.
because i fail.
goodbye
10:46 PM
& Saturday, September 24
i never realised,you're taller than the gate.
maybe i never took the time to notice,
so you just grew and grew and grew.
huge little brother.
we really should have more convos,
as in proper convos.
not arguments about who is cleverer, or who is stronger
or whose argument is more pointless than the other.
or who deserves the remote control.
yes, proper convos like today.
you promised to tell me more, dont forget
then again, you can't escape.
i'll pester you.
i must take goodbyes more seriously, really.
oh yes,
i think it is extremely COOL to hang out with my siblings.
unlike some -cough people. ahem.
goodbye
3:37 PM
& Thursday, September 22
omg three months zzoomm,i never realised.
so its goodbye all over again.
threetwentyfive pee-am, edited.
i busted my left ankle. not exactly something i was looking forward to really, but if it means i can skip school tomorrow, why not? please mummy, say yes. oh well, shall spend the next couple of days hobbling around, grittt my teeth and pray it'll get better soon. perhaps tomorrow will be the day i catch up on my schedule. i am like 3 days and a million chapters behind. and i havent started revising for physics! geog too in fact, the readings seem to go on forever. sigh.
we did rivers for lect as usual. sheesh i cant say i really like A level geog, there's hardly any landforms and stuff. its mostly theories and limitations and factors(!) and more theories. but we get to go on field trips (yay), so esther dont complain. well back to my point, we were studying river patterns (that's the part of geog i like:D) and ms tham talked about DERANGED river patterns. omg i nearly burst out laughing. whahahaha so funny! -wink ahem, quote from some unknown source derangeness rules! LOL!
there's another river pattern where one river is beheaded and the lower course of river becomes a misfit. an elbow appears with a col below it. we were like geographers are mighty weird! unbelievable names, really. but this part is pretty cool, it's so weird the concept's stuck in your head, and you'll never forget :) see, i do listen during lectures, even though this part is not tested (yaye!)
oh yes! i watched the longest yard with my siblings yesterday. haha its pretty good:)) because i like american football, and adam sandler's funnyy. chris rock was good too! after that, an insanely expensive dinner at crystal jade which is over-priced, totally. this reminds me, i havent paid agnes yet. who always says she's broke yet offers to pay most of the time. thank you:)
now, hobble bobble gobble.
i promise not to come online till promos are done.
thankfully the tv's a little screwed, so someone lock the computer.
and everything will be just fine. c'mon esther, willpowerr !
goodbye
4:46 AM
& Monday, September 19
ooo raised eyebrows i forsee.yes the comment button is back!
well, i promised yvonne that i'll put it up.
and i remember that she and felicia thought i was too suaku about html to put a tagboard on my blog like a million years ago. haha this is to show that i am not computer-smart, but not computer-stupid either. yes pressure from peers is a scary thing.
however, as yall know i am extremely fickle minded. so if it disappears again, dont be surprised. as for now, comment when you have something meaningful to say. i guess words that will build others up:) and please, oh please nothing that will get yourself or me into trouble. this world has enough problems as it is.
and if i must sum up today into two words.
more love.
oh yes! highlight of the day:))
ahem, teachers really do have a life!
this huge paradigm shift makes me a little woozy, and i suppose a little comfort that teachers are not monsters and not as evil as i make them out to be.
BUT i will never change my mind about not becoming a teacher. if i enter the teaching profession, i assure you teachers will really really become monsters. no that aint a pretty sight. -shudder.
more love, love more.
hm. is love a demand or a supply. both?
goodbye
11:05 PM
& Saturday, September 17
the previous entry was supposed to be the last one before the dreaded promos.
but i have to blog about this, because i am extremely amused at my ego.
i should feel bad i know, but i dont. LAUGH.
here it goes,
glorijoy posted her birthday pictures, with her surprise birthday cake and all. i wasnt there because i was at lovelybeautifulsuperb geog trip, which i totally miss and wish we had a year-long trip:( anyway she was given an icecream cake from swensens (?!) expensive stuff uh-huh. they took this weird photo with the oh-so-obvious intention of making me jealous that they had icecream cake in my absence. hah try harder :P so i read the caption and smiled and laughed and thought of course!
but i have to blog about this, because i am extremely amused at my ego.
i should feel bad i know, but i dont. LAUGH.
here it goes,
glorijoy posted her birthday pictures, with her surprise birthday cake and all. i wasnt there because i was at lovelybeautifulsuperb geog trip, which i totally miss and wish we had a year-long trip:( anyway she was given an icecream cake from swensens (?!) expensive stuff uh-huh. they took this weird photo with the oh-so-obvious intention of making me jealous that they had icecream cake in my absence. hah try harder :P so i read the caption and smiled and laughed and thought of course!
oh meanmean, how much u're missed.
BUT after reading it again. i realised it was oh meanmean, how much u missed. oh my goodness how egoistic can i get. whahaha. then again, i'm sure yall missed me. come on admit it :D
well since i'm here, i might as well blog a little about the week before getting down to phillippians. this week hasnt been good. for one school has started, for two pw is killing, for three promos are coming. other than that its been a great week, especially at home(: papa is almost always away in malaysia, so when he's home, our family convos are really interesting. maybe its because we know we have so little time together with everyone present. so when he's home, all of us scramble to the kitchen, have a second dinner and talk. whee my dad is super funny sometimes. i miss the times when he would pick me up from some bus stop and fetch me home, then we'll talk. now there's only the morning 2 min ride to the bus stop, and i'm usually half-dead. oh well :(
when agnes leaves:
number of people in house decreases.
level of noise decreases.
level of laughter decreases.
amount of food increases.
number of computers decreases.
rate of toothpaste usage in our bathroom decreases. (yay!)
space in car increases.
number of free stuff i get because i have an older sister -> zero
with only 4 people at home, suddenly the house seems too big.
sigh, i wish..
goodbye
11:19 PM
& Thursday, September 15
and they went, freestyle.like an advert, like children.
laugh. i couldnt contol.
we stashed the little loads
if only we could burn them, no not possible.
but we played, yea we did.
self-consciousness had no place
yet it came. again and again
and again.
it was a little game
it felt like one, it smelt like one, tasted. yes.
no it was a big game,
boundaries almost disappeared.
we nearly played our hearts out.
restraint that shouldnt be, never left.
i'm confused, what?
it was a big little game.
you understand, no.
dont matter, i do now.
that's good enough
for me.
bye
goodbye
9:33 PM
& Tuesday, September 13
the bestest all-girl picture we took.
lovely rice, aye?
jiahui carol nic me feli von grace wanting joyce.
yall were the best, totally.
to nicole wanting grace,
thanks for that wonderful night/morning.
awesome talk, beautiful stars, missed sunrise.
<33
ohfiveSsixone.
the complexity of our class, our quirky relationships, crazy words.
05s61 in a word? weird.
somehow that doesnt seem quite enough.
the joy we bring to teachers, the speed we drive them to their graves.
the unity in some things, separation in others.
i laughed many times, i havent cried yet thank you.
but with all my heart, i like.
and sometimes, i really love.
to honey stars and 7 grade pigs.
i guess i cant ask for more :)
goodbye
7:54 PM
& Monday, September 12
cool geog-ers :)
too tall chem-ers. sigh.
the shorties, though we never admit it :D
the roomies, <3
oh that's pro mr ho :)
them, enough said.
mr CHAD!
"to see innocent beauty in a flower" -laugh
to see light at the end of a tunnel.
to look at rocks, knowing they will never fail you.
to focus on the Rock, knowing He will always love you.
goodbye
10:55 PM
& Sunday, September 11
Your excellence, my inspiration.the pleasure of completing homework, i almost forgot.
i only did math because physics is totally over-my-head.
many things are, but that's not the point.
oh well i'm kinda looking forward to math tutorial.
because i did differentiation and integration and complex numbers homework! yaye :))
to a new term!
important events coming up, to me at least.
i have to make it, cos i hate regret.
that's what they call goal-setting. laughoutloud(:
the perseverance part is up to me!
and strength from You :)
REJOICE and RUBBISH :D
goodbye
9:58 PM
& Friday, September 9
bao qing tian is over.as of today, my ohmygosh-i-have-every-single-channel days are over. starhub switched it right in the middle of that lovely show face-off. whyyyy. but i must thank you for the few good movies i enjoyed.
did i mention baoqingtian is over.
i was incredibly sad, because i really enjoy it. you have no idea how many good chinese phrases i can learn from this wonderful show. but i knew this day will come, so i was incredibly sad not incredibly depressed. and there are other more important things in the world, i know. oh well another serial will come up again, we chinese are always facinated by baoqingtian. if you are not enchanted, well you're no chinese. i am pulling your leg, which means i am joking for the hopelessly serious :D
books, ar wonderful.
well i gave up on memory of running. figured it was all about some loser guy which is extremely depressing to me. no i dont like to read about losers. so i'm on to the next book. wheee. cheers to gloria then for lending me great books :) K-PAX is pretty awesome. i'm not done yet, so i cant comment. but as of now, its good :))
that sums up the entire week.
television and books.
hohum
goodbye
11:57 PM
& Tuesday, September 6
organising worksheets is scary. piles and piles and piles, freaky. what's worse you ask me, well definitely the random peeks into the scary worksheets and realise you are clueless about the content (see superposition/differentiation/integration/urban studies/every single econs ws)i am so dead :(
i must say that the most effective way of scaring you into studying, is to make a list.
so make a list, i did.
ECONOMICS
central problem of economics/demand and supply/elasticity of demand and supply/application of demand and supply/theory of costs/theory of production/economies of scale and size of firm/market strutures/other themes/market failure/cost benefit analysis/wage theory/income inequality/comparing economic systems.
MATH
partial fractions/surds../inequalities/AP/GP/sigma/binomial/coordinate
geometry/trigo/induction/vectors/complex numbers/differentiation/integration.
PHYSICS
physical quantities/measurement techniques/kinematics/temperature/thermal properties/kinetic theory/thermodynamics/forces/dynamics/oscillations/general waves/work, energy/circular motion/superposition/gravitation/current electricity
GEOGRAPHY
urban studies
plate tectonics/rivers
i am so so so dead.
sigh :(
so now geography readings will be my books
math notes will be my tv
economics notes will be my water (it has to be or i'll die)
physics notes - my food
bible will be bible
journal - journal.
everything can change cept these two. or i'll die.
God help me.
goodbye
8:14 PM
&
beautiful, the sound of waves.i could sit there forever.
my jaw is aching from chewing so much gum.
my head is incredibly heavy, my limbs feel foreign.
this is weird, funny what a run can do.
it's supposed to make you feel energetic and invigorated right?
well it does most of the time, today's an anomaly.
now i have a strange desire to fall back into bed.
or curl up in the comfy couch and read still waters
or crash on my mum's bed and watch tv.
either way i'll sleep, i know.
finally uploaded all the pictures to the computer.
but pictures are so troublesome, suddenly.
sheesh i give up, shall continue when i feel like it.
promos promos promos
sigh.
eugene,
my my what a wonderful surprise. well your sorry is accepted, definitely since there is no need for it, sorry is just another word. like pretty esther or smart esther or cool esther. yes i am stopping here before a medical crisis occurs of people dying from over-puking :D well back to my point, its great that you think geography is not that bad after all. strangely, your post didnt make me feel accomplished that i, among many other people of course, have managed to change your perception. you made me feel guilty instead. oh how many times have i insulted literature and criticised history. if it makes you feel any better, i dont mind literature now. though i'm still wary about shakespeare and all his counterparts, literature is pretty cool. just dont make me analyse it, i'm happy just reading and flowing with the language thank you very much. history is a different story i am afraid. they say we learn it to learn from past mistakes yada yada. yet wars still happen, i dont understand. oh well, we're quits yar? you're sorry, i'm sorry. and someday soon we'll probably argue again about the better subject again, i'm sure of it. HAHAH :P oh i read a history book! BIBLE:)) but i prefer to think of it as a love letter, so that doesnt count :D
alrighty shall read for a while
then go file worksheets
then write a list of topics to study
then cry or scream or read again.
no study.
no, study.
choose esther choose.
goodbye
9:26 AM
& Sunday, September 4
i totalled my amazing collection.so as of now, ahem
twenty rocks and twenty seashells.
one rock and nineteen seashells came from my most recent trip.
grin-
sandwiches were lovely.
shopping was tiring.
my right knee hurts too much.
owww.
dear glorijoy,
awesome photos came from national geographic.
told you geography is awesome :D
another buffet dinner tonight.
bleahh i'm jogging tomorrow
if knee doesnt protest, that is.
my cool sister and her red hair.
uh-huh.
i cant seem to talk to you anymore.
that's sad, really.
goodbye
5:16 PM
& Saturday, September 3
it went fine, thank yall. most of the time.my thoughts too-much, my expectations impossible, my attitude questionable.
who is surprised?
random thoughts flew and bounced irritably on the walls of my brain, most of the time. ok that's not a bad thing. but considering i was supposed to think geography the entire trip, it wasnt good either. i cant draw, really.
i wish i could. and i promise you if i could, i would draw every feature we see, every detail present, everything. but i cant, i am appalled at my unbelievable lack of talent that i refuse to start. i dont want to ruin what is before my eyes, dont you see. so i used the camera for the reason it was invented, tried to follow the teacher around to listen and learn. when that's done and all the arty-farty people start to doodle, ahh invasion of random thoughts, again.
well i thought i grew out of it. i suppose that doesnt count for anything, because i always think i have grown out of something only to find -to my greatest dismay, i havent. well this is yet another case to prove the above claim. what is it with trips, that this always happens. 12, 14, 17. three school trips, everytime. why my dear?
i decided to read Ecclesiastes. dont ask why, it just felt right. i didnt finish it, but i know the ending. everyone knows the ending. i suppose the difference is the application, which is the toughest yet of highest importance. chasing after the wind. it appeared so many times, strange i never noticed it before. yet it captures all i felt, perfectly.
chase the wind.
tame the sea.
count the sand.
capture the sun.
stop the rain.
calm the storm.
hold the clouds.
lift the rocks.
i cant
i sat on that piece of rock, looking out into the ocean (geographically speaking, it was the south china sea, dont worry ms tham, i know) i felt so small. a timely reminder that i am so weak and useless, really. its amusing how we humans like to think so highly of ourselves, not. something goes like this, in our weaknesses His strength is made perfect. yes something like that. i pray You break my stubborn heart.
and i cling to the ROCK of my salvation. it cant be weathered, it wont be eroded. it'll stay, i'm sure of that. -smile. You = rock.
alrighty details of trip will come soon along with all the cool photos. i had plenty of fun. got to know sixoners a litttlle better, not as much as i hoped but its a start. hardly talked to the teachers. ate too much. took a rock. i havent unpacked. studying starts on monday, so i tell myself. i havent compromised on that yet, esther you dont intend to, please remember. and that's that.
now rubbish.