bleahhh;


the last hurrah

& Thursday, August 31

happy birthday

i'm glad we went.
i'm glad for the rain.

You give and take away
You give and take away
my heart will choose to say
Blessed be Your name

such a tough song. who knows, even if the mind thinks it, the lips utter it, the heart can still refuse. i ask too many questions. sometimes i think i can hear the answer in my mind.

'my dear, you ask soo many questions. if I answer, would you comprehend? where were you when i laid the earth's foundations. tell me, if you understand. who marked off its dimensions? surely you know! who stretched a measuring line across it? ... who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind ..'

trust My heart
your heart may fail from time to time, Mine will never.


goodbye
 7:50 PM


&

i frustrate the piano.
the piano irritates the siblings.
i know

friends are friends forever/if the Lord's the Lord of them/and a friend will not say never/cos the welcome will not end/though it's hard to let you go/in the Father's love we know/that a lifetime's not too long/to be as friends.

so heart wrenching.
a mountain of questions.
one futile request.

sometimes when the door creaks open, i wonder if it's you coming in. gosh it's insane to think about such nonsense. the notion that i may be insane does not drive them away. they just come. hope left. no amount of action can bring it back. later today, do i say hello or goodbye? why

not long enough
too short
i could have done so much more :(


goodbye
 12:09 PM


& Tuesday, August 29

eyes were shut, staring into the darkness. light replaced the darkness. something was wrong, i didnt open my eyes. sparks flew. flames of fire sweeping around my head, it didnt hurt. a little afraid. okay fine, extremely. uttered some words, hoping i wouldnt understand them. thought, so that's what it feels like. wow

then i woke up.

stupid dream.
scoff, dont tell me you thought you could attain that.
attain, what a word.

slept. woke up.

went for gp.

wrote about deep and meaningful relationships.
wrote about hope.

it is probably a reminder, why does it feel like mockery
feng ci, that's the word


goodbye
 3:55 PM


& Friday, August 25

over the sea and far away
she's waiting like an iceberg
waiting to change
but she's cold inside
she wants to be
like the water


goodbye
 8:37 PM


& Thursday, August 24

we're saying hello to all the goodbyes.
an entire string of them
peppered with 'remember your first day here?'
full of 'we wont forget, promise'
the brain scoffs, ohhh cliche stupid
the heart goes, aww man (all hope's not lost yet, great)

today was special. geography lecture had pupils sitting at the front row. the first time this insane class sat together in the history of geography lectures, sixone. not that we decided to be good, the intention was to aggravate some MJ and irritate, we did. ever had a lecturer squatting at your feet? math was good too, despite the many periods. for once, we had a nice talk from the teech. 'be good people, be nice'. hurhur now you tell us. (oh mervyn and i peeped at the funny mathematical proof thing again) physics is always nice, because he really helps us understooded. ahem. i <3 economics, but that's only because i hated it to the core before. we've got a great teech. i'm looking forward to the day we reply in one voice CAN DO. that would be perfect.

we moan and groan that life is bad. but really, when we consider the little things. so blessed. (:

we barely stepped in, now we're leaving.
we're in too deep, so tough to leave.
we're never gone in, how to leave?

okay i have to go study. afternoon unproductivity is disgusting. and i'm hooked to that hospital hongkong show which almost makes me want to be a doctor. nahh. complex numbers!


goodbye
 5:49 PM


& Monday, August 21

a most delightful day (:


i'm ready for battle.
and i cant begin to describe how awesome
my commander
is.


goodbye
 8:04 PM


& Sunday, August 20

expectations make us robots.

all i do
is fulfill that impression in your mind
of what i will do.

great expectations are deadly
because i'm suffering from the
illness of the heart


goodbye
 11:51 PM


& Friday, August 18

I am the cracked mirror of her dreams.


goodbye
 11:15 PM


&

feeble is the lamp of fame
by which man inscribes his name
on the walls of time for other men to see
though he boasts of wealth and power
none can help him in that hour
when the angels hear his plea
'is He satisfied with me?'




you, the little typhoon.
strong wind blows away
everything that i am
where do i go now?


goodbye
 3:53 PM


& Wednesday, August 16

i'm tired of this rat race.
tired of the guilt
because i took an afternoon nap
because i read a magazine
because i got tired of white, and did this.
(not that guilt works, everything happened anyway)

i didnt feel like explaining what the last post is all about.
so when grace asked, i went 'its just crap la'
an overactive imagination, an overstretched brain, an overflowing of rambles.
would these reasons suffice?
no they do not.
just why did i call it crap?

(chowsf explained how tides worked today. amazing, how everything works together. he explained the laws of physics behind it, not all of it because he said that it'll be over our heads. he didnt tell us the importance of tides to us. he didnt mention the importance of the perfect distance between us and the moon. as if laws of physics are not overwhelming enough.)

this is what the last post is about.
this is what i should do about the weariness and guilt.
this is how to make everything better, meaningful.

not mugging, learning.
not perfect grades, understanding.
not good-paying jobs which will make people go wow,
enjoyment/purpose/fulfillment
(if i could combine all this, that would be awesome. leaving only this question, why do i want them to go wow? what good would it do to me?)

i'm wrong, more often than not


goodbye
 9:49 PM


& Sunday, August 13

i must find the love potion for deserts.

i hope it's real, something tangible; a mango-flavoured spell would be nice. that would really simplify matters. aside from the risk that i'll steal a camal from the zoo, remove the bedsheet from the sister's bed, empty my bank account to get a ticket to Africa and camp in the Sahara with a signboard above my tent reading 'desert lover'. okay not as uncomplicated as i hoped. however, in the event i really do all of the above, i promise to get you a 'someone who loves me very much went to the Sahara and bought me this shirt'. do not complain about the sand, they call it packaging. if the words look bloody, you would then have a better idea of the retail scene in the Sahara, and you will realise how much i love you.

(my poor camel)

i must love deserts.


goodbye
 10:33 PM


& Friday, August 11

fear drives you
fear restrains you
fear does not bother you.

i fear everything there is to be afraid of. i fear sickness. i fear pain. i fear going blind deaf lame. i fear rejection. i fear acceptance. i fear fire. i fear that one day i'd walk into the kitchen and the microwave oven explodes. i fear radiation. i fear cancer.

i've written too many 'fear's, now it looks funny.
it sounds funny too

i fear putting my all into doing something, only to find that it aint worth a thing. i fear people dying. i fear eternity. i fear anger. i fear sharks. i fear snakes. i fear for my faith. i fear for my character. i fear for my integrity. i fear for the sincerity of my apologies. i fear for my grades. i fear for the fear for my grades. i fear giving for wrong reasons. i fear volcanoes. i fear earthquakes. i fear the bombs people strap to their waists. i fear atomic bombs. i fear war. i fear torture methods, especially the one they put a metal slab in fire, and place it on your skin. i fear being a stumbling block. i fear being self-centred. i fear that you will read this, and judge me. i fear rational fear. i fear irrational fear. i fear temptation. i fear seeking comfort in things that do not give. i fear questions i cannot answer. i fear that my family will fall apart.

i sing the song,
the world behind me, the cross before me.
i fear the day someone demands i choose again.
and i turn around.


goodbye
 12:54 PM


& Wednesday, August 9

you can wear
my
hat
!

phil collins would be good company
on the road


goodbye
 10:48 PM


& Tuesday, August 8

sunday, ET on TV.
images flooded the little brain. memories of having to give your name and get some card (which we thought was useless). remembering the walk through the 'forest' and the sweet ride over the 'city'. of course, who can forget the gigantic ET that started to produce noises which sounded vaguely familiar. oh yes, it's calling us. so the cards were not useless afterall. we should never have doubted, japanese are better than that. duhh.

i miss japan.

monday, emperor penguins on animal planet.
huge whale; beautiful dolphins; awesome jellyfish; smelly otters; ugly sunfish; freaky crabs.
hello again. jajajapan.

too many reminders.
when i walk past a japanese food stall, and pictures of bentos after bentos; the same shudder and churning in the stomach. when the sister was bidding for modules, the thought of studying that language next year came without invitation. walking past a Gucci store. hearing 'colours of the wind'. the mention of a kimono. the ocassional hello in school. sesame street. softball. ramen. guitar. deer. beef. ferris wheel. bridges. earthquakes. neoprints. singtel hicards. bullet. trains. 7gradepigs. coffee. cookie monster. JAPAN.

beautiful land of the rising sun. are we there yet?!
<3

toughen up, you said
okay


goodbye
 2:44 PM


& Saturday, August 5

i stole the sister's yoghurt.
meiji strawberry yoghurt.
she wont get mad,
cos the brother stole twice already.
and she only said
'i buy, you eat ah'

i could stay awake just to hear you breathing
watch your smile while you are sleeping
while you're far away dreaming
i could spend my life in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever
where every moment i spend with you
is a moment i treasure
stupid obsession
with perfect teeth


goodbye
 8:06 AM


& Friday, August 4

hey stranger


goodbye
 8:31 PM


& Wednesday, August 2

come on, little brain.
start working.
start working.
start working.
you cannot afford not to.
how will you survive, if you dont do better?

i wonder what a girl in Lebanon would say.
come on, fellow humans.
start forgiving.
start forgiving.
start forgiving.
we cannot afford not to.
how will we do better, if we do not survive?


goodbye
 8:07 PM


& overhauled

esther
eighteen
emmanuel

& overtoned

adriel amos belinda charissa christine crystal daffy eliza eugene felicia gabriel gloria glorijoy grace hilda huiyu jaclyn jamie jennifer kristie liwei meien mingdao paul philicia rachel rachel ryan shangjun sherman tee tng wenkai yvonne ziteng

thankGod

& overawed

VEEJAY elanpictures apparentlynothing edwardjackman chromasia topleftpixel dailysnap joecunningham londonrubbish rosshillier mute invisiblethreads mysteryme nitifixis movie trailers
designer;

& overrated

twoohohfive
jan feb mar apr
may jun jul aug
sep oct nov dec
twoohohsix
jan feb mar apr
may jun jul aug
sep oct

& overlooked

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